Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"They're the souls of the departed!"
"They're flaming dragons!"
"They're light bulbs!"
"They're holes in the sky!"
"They are gigantic balls of gas emitting vast amounts of energy due to the nuclear fusion reactions that..."
"Bah! Who cares?"
Friday, September 19, 2008
"The director had this idea of using scary stories to deter inmates from escaping."
"Looks like it could use some tweaking."
"He was warned against it, but he wouldn't listen. So, one afternoon he went over the perimeter fence and started running... and was never seen again."
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
"Mr. Ventrelli, we bring great news for you!"
"The Godfather offers you his friendship and protection in exchange for... ahem... a monthly token of respect."
"Thank you, gentlemen, but I respect the Godfather my own way. Organized crime is not for me."
"You don't understand. The Godfather is giving you a choice.*"
*"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."
"Yes! You can either pay for his protection, or else have your shop windows shattered."
"Isn't the Godfather a wonderful person in letting you to accept his offer on your own will?"
"No, no, listen... I know the Godfather is a good man. He'd never..."
"Mr. Ventrelli, the Godfather really appreciates you and your family. He wouldn't like anything bad happen to you."
"Knowing you rejected his offer will break his heart. Your place will burn to the ground, and it will be your fault."
"And he will know! He knows everything!"
"He knows where you live... He knows where your children go to school..."
"WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS?"
Mr. Ventrelli took the offer. And then...
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I'M SAFE! God bless the Godfather!"
"Another candid soul won for the family."
"Look, there's that guy who called us thugs."
"Good. Let's take him to the back alley and teach him some respect."
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Libra: Celestial bodies will clear your path to love and workplace progress today.
"Poor Johnson. What an awful, unlikely way to die. Oh, well... Smith, starting tomorrow you have his job. Meanwhile, take the day off and go console the widow."