Friday, February 27, 2009
Update: I originally thought I could leave the first half of the joke out and it could still be understood. Now that the cartoon is published, it no longer seems such a good idea. But hey, it's never too late to mend your mistakes, so here is the full cartoon, as it always should have been. (Here is what it was like before, in case you're curious and didn't get to see it.)
Sure enough, there's still the possibility that the joke is really lame, but that's neither here nor there.
"Don't play around the castle! Vampires live there that will suck your blood and turn you into one of them if they catch you!"
"Never go near the village! The mortals will make you drink their blood and you'll become one of them, doomed to grow old and die! Did you understand me?"
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
(Pst! Just in case you missed the reference.)
Become a web entrepreneur in four steps!
ONE: Get venture capital
Use the Start-Up Generator to create a business proposal to forward to your potential investors.
Take your pick of two available modes: Sounds Good on Paper or Crazy Enough to Work.
Over 10,000 buzzwords available for you to use on your document!
Once your proposal has been accepted, the ball starts rolling.
TWO: Create a back-end
TwoPointZeroMostel will bill you for web services at inflated prizes.
This is what your investors see:
Dedicated hosting: 1,500.00
High bandwidth line: 850,00
Database server: 1,000.00
Management and maintenance: 4,500.00
Data transmission: 630.25
Software licenses: 2,100.00
This is what you see:
Web services bundle: 580.25
Your earnings: 8,000.00
THREE: Create a front-end
TwoPointZeroMostel gives you trendy design elements for you to make a site indistinguishable from thousands of others.
Rip-offs of the MSN figure.
Orange, green and purple.
Your site will be guaranteed to fail!
After a number of months (that can be set in the Control Panel) has elapsed, your start-up will automatically go out of business and you will be able to retire and enjoy your money.
Boats and private jets.
Are you ready for success? Sign up now.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
But... It's just a theory!
Montbard, France. 18th century...
"My long years studying the natural world have led me to the inescapable conclusion that living forms were created in the beginning of time as we see them today—"
"What...? Who are you?"
"I'm TIME TRAVELING CHARLES DARWIN!"
"Time? What do you—?"
"Monsieur de Buffon, I urge you to put forward these ideas in the Natural History you are writing!"
"Change in species? Common ancestry between man and ape? I can't write this. It's preposterous and blasphemous!"
"You will! Or else I'll go back in time and prevent you from ever being born!
"No one must know that I single-handedly made up the whole idea of evolution in a bid to destroy Western civilization! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
"Next stop: Baghdad, ninth century!"
"... and that explains all those texts about evolution before Darwin you just mentioned. Now can you prove that never happened? Ha! I didn't think so."
Friday, February 6, 2009
THINK ABOUT IT!!
WHO put that tree right there in the middle of the garden?
WHO created the serpent?
WHO knew what was going to happen and did nothing to stop it?
WHO benefits from having man toiling the earth and give him offerings?
THE FALL OF MAN WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
"This evening, in his inauguration address, President Orlok thanked his constituency and talked about his goals."
"I feel honored by the trust that the people have placed in me. With that trust, and the help of my lord Satan, the next four years will see me draining the blood of every man, woman and child in this country."
"See? Do you understand now why I kept telling you to go out and vote?"
"Bah! The other guy was likely to raise taxes. They're all the same garbage!"